This is not your usual article written by Kevin Rousseau. As a matter of fact, this is his wife. That's right, he may have unleashed something here by turning his article over to me on this "Bye" week for the Patriots. You get to read about my views on the Patriots. Now don't get me wrong, I am definitely a fan of the Patriots but don't share nearly the same obsessive nature as my husband. I have taken the time to list out traits about my husband and other Patriots fans below. This is how I see it and perhaps you wives out there can relate to a few of the things that are listed. Some of them may apply to my husband and some of them are more general in nature. It's your job to figure out which is which. Okay, here I go.
Your spouse makes sure to check the score two hours after a game is over just to make sure it didn't change.
Your spouse claims that there are only two channels on the TV-ESPN and ESPN2.
Every morning you wake up to the theme song of NESN Sportsdesk turned down as low as possible with the hope it won't wake you up. It does.
You are lucky enough to have a Super Bowl 36 official football sitting in your living room-right smack dab in the middle of your display of fragile collectibles.
Your spouse goes through seasonal depressive disorder, starting with Patriots training camp and running through the end of January.
Your spouse starts writing a weekly sports column. Give me a break, who does he think he is, Dan Shaugnessy?
You enjoy a long, quiet ride home from Gillette Stadium after a Patriots loss with your spouse.
Your spouse relives the last Patriots game over the next six days, listening to blow by blow microanalysis on the TV, radio, internet, etc. And your spouse feels compelled to rebut any inaccuracies by talking directly to the above-mentioned media outlet.
Your spouse calls the result of the play before Gino and Gil do.
Your spouse watches the game on TV, but has the sound muted so he can listen to Gino and Gil on the radio. Your spouse also strangely thinks that Gino and Gil are somehow acquantancies of his.
Your spouse has enough Patriots apparel, including underwear, to last a lifetime.
You realize the only way you can go out to dinner is if your spouse wins the football pool that week. And then you have to be reminded throughout dinner about this glorious achievement.
You are not allowed to touch the above-mentioned precious football that is in the middle of the fragile collectibles while dusting.
Your spouse leaves at 9am to travel 1 mile to the stadium to tailgate for a 1pm game.
Your spouse turns into a gourmet chef for the sole purpose of tailgating. The rest of the time, its mac and cheese if I'm lucky.
Your spouse thinks Sundays at 1pm should be declared a national holiday between August and January.
The family dog finds it necessary to leave the room when the Patriots mess up.
Your spouse finds it necessary to go out and buy a cd of all the songs played on third down at the Patriots games.
You are blessed enough to have two of those panoramic pictures of the Patriots you get at the mall hanging in your hallway next to my grandmother's wedding photo. Nice decorating touch, eh?
Your spouse thinks that having you wear a Tom Brady game jersey is a turn-on.
Your spouse takes a game of neighborhood touch football with fifth graders a little too seriously.
On a similar note, your spouse takes tossing the football with Mr. Excitement Bill Penta at tailgating a little too seriously, as well.
Your spouse's attendance at family functions depends on the Patriots schedule. An offshoot of this, is the rhetorical question your spouse asks after reading the invitation to the above-mentioned function, "Who in their right mind schedules a function on a Sunday afternoon in the fall?"
Your spouse thinks getting married in June would be best "so it won't interfere with anything." Our anniversary is June 5th.
Your spouse collects football cards and gets way too excited when opening these packs. He's a football card junkie and needs his fix or he gets the shakes. Subsequently, your spouse forces you to immediately stop whatever it is your doing (usually cleaning or doing some other household chore that isn't getting done otherwise), come running across the house so he can show off the piece of dirt that came with the card that is supposedly "worth a lot of money." So far, I haven't seen any payoffs from this claim. He also keeps a copy of the Beckett football card price guide on the nightstand next to your bed.
Your spouse runs plays in his sleep even if you are down and out with a nasty stomach virus and vomiting in the toilet at 2am.
You discover after dating your soon-to-be spouse for a few months that their family is just as crazy as he is about the Patriots.
Watching the NFL draft becomes an all day event and is about as exciting as reading the telephone book. On this day, your spouse thinks he actually knows something about the obscure players the Patriots drafted. He then proceeds to launch into a thesis on how the Patriots really improved on that day.
The Patriots schedule is posted in every room of your house. I suppose the reasoning for this is that you never know when you might be in the spare room and find it absolutely necessary to immediately know whether the Oakland game that won't occur for another month starts at 4pm or 8pm.
While registering for your wedding at Filene's, your spouse thinks Patriots bedding would make a lovely gift.
Your spouse loves you enough to buy you a ticket to the Superbowl. Yes, that's right folks, Kevin's beloved wife couldn't bare the thought of him moping around the house on Super Duper Sunday wishing he was there. So I did what needed to be done. The inevitable search and rescue to make his dream come true. So off he went to New Orleans for what was likely the greatest game in Patriots history.
Well, this is my personal take here. I hope that you have enjoyed some of this humor. But the fun doesn't stop here. I hope Kevin's brother, Brian, does his own article on this subject. "Bye" until next year.